iumph the Insult Comic Dog: [interviewing Heather Locklear about her husband, Richie Sambora, who is in the background] Hey, can I ask you something? ather Locklear: What? iumph the Insult Comic Dog: In the 80s, did Richie feather his pubes? chie Sambora: [laughs and runs off]

iumph the Insult Comic Dog: [at a Bon Jovi concert being set up and standing in front of large speaker] Hey, uh, what the hell is this? adie #1: That's a bass amp. iumph the Insult Comic Dog: You mean you're going to *amplify* this crap? adie #2: [laughs] Sure!

iumph the Insult Comic Dog: [interviewing two people in costumes at a Star Wars convention] Who are you? man dressed as Queen Amidala: Queen Amidala. iumph the Insult Comic Dog: Oh, ok, Queen Amidala. [turns to man dressed as Qui-Gon Jinn] And, who are you? "King I'm-a-doofus"?

riumph interviews a fan at a Bon Jovi concert] iumph the Insult Comic Dog: How much did you pay to see the show tonight? n Jovi Fan: Forty dollars. iumph the Insult Comic Dog: Forty dollars? Wouldn't it have been better to wait until next year, when they're playing at Six Flags?

riumph is at the Bon Jovi concert press junket, which is almost deserted] iumph the Insult Comic Dog: We're here at the press junket where the press gets to ask questions of Bon Jovi. Quite a turnout, as you can see. Everyone is here. People have come from as far as Exit 12.

iumph the Insult Comic Dog: [in Star Wars line] Look at this one. You look like like some kind of super nerd. It looks like you were built in a laboratory out of parts from lesser nerds. A bionic nerd, if you will. Jedi Obi Wan Na... Jack Off Right Now.